Friday, February 13, 2009

Special Valentine's edition

The Lemming's posts the last few days leading up to Valentine's have been along the lines of finding love, as such it was rather fitting to open my email today and find this spam offering classes promoting self-love. All this time I thought we should be finding love in others, when we could simply love ourselves.

The more perverted among us may think they know where I'm heading, you know who you are, but you are wrong... You see, that's because the Lemming believes riding an indoor trainer while watching Tour de France videos is about as close as a cyclist can come to "self-love". I'm ashamed to say I've done it behind closed doors in the past, and I will probably do it again if I can't get my bike outdoors to have my needs fulfilled.

Just because we do it doesn't make it right. It's not the sort of self-love that is makes you feel good about yourself, rather it's something hidden from the general public and only revealed to our closest cycling friends. It's too embarrassing to tell co-workers and you'd never bring it up on a first date. Actually, it's kind of like that scene in Pulp Fiction where Butch and Wallace get trapped in Zed's shop, then Butch gets free and hacks the gimp with a sword, then he ponders freeing Wallace and finally does it, at that point Butch asks Wallace:...

Butch: Are you OK?

Wallace: No, I'm pretty fuckin' far from OK.

That's how I feel every time I get done riding the trainer indoors to Tour de France videos.

Now granted, self-love riding the trainer style is still probably way better than the BILF types, the Lemming will never quite understand wanting to get jiggy with your bike. But since February is indeed Love Awareness month, according to that email, I'm going to go ahead and proclaim February National Ride the Indoor Trainer while watching Tour de France videos month. This Valentine's Day ride the trainer to one of Lance Armstrong's tours, preferably doing my "Champs Ulysses" workout. Your warmup will be the ride in to Paris as you choke down Accelerade while Lance is sipping champagne. Then sprints with the greats, on the trainer you'll be right with them, and the cooldown period being the podium ceremonies. Have at it, and when your co-workers question your sanity, point them my way.


Anonymous said...

Lemming, I am not a pervert! It is common belief that in order to love somebody else you have to love yourself first. All right, so maybe I am overly prepared for loving someone else.

But if I'm gonna be stuck inside all winter, choking on Accelerade is not my idea of a good time.

BikeLemming said...

Frilly, when you talk about "self-love", you mean riding the trainer right? ;)

Anonymous said...

Perfect! I'm getting an indoor trainer for my birthday this month, and will celebrate your new holiday accordingly.