Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Confusious say...

I was doing some poking around tonight on who is visiting the Lemming's blog and how they are getting here. As always, some keyword searches are rather disturbing, for example someone finding me by typing "lance intervals", I hope my tips on having someone read Bicycling to them and sprinting each time Lance was mentioned helped as they contemplated ending their mundane existence after yet another boring night on the trainer.

On the other hand, some are downright funny, such as "what forces are responsible for slowing you down while coasting on a bicycle" and "why can't you breath well at high altitudes". I can only imagine the disappointment these people must have felt finding my blog while looking for a lesson in Physics and/or Anatomy, and finding the drool I spew out.

However, I also saw "things that make u stronger when u work out". I've never truly answered this question posted in the form of a phrase, have someone kick you in the jimmy while you workout to the Marine Corps fight song, there is no way that can't make you stronger. Unless of course you already are Jason Bourne and found this blog by searching for "trek madone bourne identity", then you already kick ass.

Perhaps most surprisingly was that the second most searches for this blog came on some version of "he was a hardworking farm boy. she was an italian supermodel. he knew he would have just one chance to impress her" beaten only by people searching for Y-Foils. The surprisingly close number of referrals from both searches lead me to believe that the same people searching for Y-Foils are also probably trying to find out more information about the mysterious Rosetta Stone ad in the back of Bicycling.

But lastly, I saw two items that I felt needed immediate attention. They were "what is the best way to get ready for a spin class" and "proper way to sit on a bicycle during a spin class". To not answer these questions after someone found my blog would be like Mr. Miyagi not giving you the meaning of life after you caught a fly in chopsticks.

To understand how to get ready for a spin class, a potential spinner has to understand what spinning is. And to understand what spinning is, a potential spinner has to understand how to get ready for a spin class. First, buy gym membership, preferably one with escalators like the 24Hour Fitness above, you don't want to waste any energy you might want to exert in class. Next, pack gym bag. Pack one bottle of 4:1 Accelerade for class, and one bottle of 4:1 recovery drink for after class. Drive to spin class, ignore the feeling reminiscent of seeing your ex-girlfriend with another guy for the first time as you pass other bikers outside enjoying the ride. Waddle to spin class in bike shoes as the cleats make that grinding pop sound on the floor, check out hot chicks in gym, duck in to spinning room to start adjusting bike. Now comes the mental preparation, realize you're going to have to listen to crappy music in a room with a bubbly cheerleader type who hasn't ridden outside since she did the MS150 a few years ago, not only that, but you're going to have to stretch afterwards. Doing a spin class is to learn what true suffering really is. That should about wrap up how to get ready for a spin class.

Now, the proper way to sit on a bicycle during spin class. This depends, most bikes you put your feet on the pedals as you sit your ass on the seat, then you grip those things called handlebars with your hands as you spin the pedals round and round. This can understandably rather difficult, but be assured that spinning bikes are just the same, despite their funny appearance. The point of contention lies in the question. If you want to sneak out of class when you are bored out of your mind, the proper way to sit on the bicycle during spin class is in the back right by the door. If you fancy the soccer mom in your class, the proper way to sit on the bicycle during spin class is right beside her. And lastly, if you've got the full Discovery kit going on and some freshly shaved legs, the proper way to sit on a bicycle during spin class is right up front where you can show your form in the popcorn sprints. I hope this answered any outstanding questions?


Nick said...

How do you deal with being the only person in lycra?

I took spin for a winter a few years back at a private gym. I would show up in my cycling gear and end up surrounded by fat hausfraus in sweatpants and velour jumpsuits.

Only thing that would save my sanity would be when the instructor would yell at them for getting off their bikes to get water. If I remember her quote correctly it was "you should have thought about water before you got on the bike!"

Lucky said...

There are are some nice surprises when you google your blog name, as well.

Having your bike blog somehow end up in the "Related Pages" atthe bottom of a gay interest site (in my case gays who are interested in porn) can be...um, enlightening.

Whatever. I'll open my arms wide to any readership, really. Just don't request compromising photos.

BikeLemming said...

Nick, I can't do spin classes, they rate right up there with doing a triathlon. :)

Lucky, is there something you're not telling me about your site?

Nick said...

BL, I understand your point. However being trapped inside with feet of snow piling up you do what you can. The tedium of rollers gets to me.

BikeLemming said...

Completely understandable, at least spin classes get you out and in to a different environment. That helps the mind a lot with indoor training.

paul said...


I prefer to make a drinking game out of the tour de france. Any mention of lance during the coverage...