An oldie but a goodie

With cold weather slowly creeping in on us and much less for the lemming to write about when he's not riding as much, I found this on my desktop the other day and thought I'd share. It's an oldie, but definitely a goodie, anything with AC/DC and cycling is, enjoy!

1st crash from Bike Lemming on Vimeo.

If by chance it doesn't work in the feed, see the original here!

Friday caption contest, in to the gutter quickly

This could head in to the gutter rather quickly, so try to be creative before jumping to the obvious!



I'll start out...

"Damn, I know they said running tubeless at too high of a pressure would blow the tires off the rim, but this is ridiculous!"

Post your caption!

The tale of Skunky, the ass-in-the-air descender

Perfect Skunky position, front low, tail in the air

While Skunky can be either gender, "she" is used for this example.

Skunky can be found near the back of the pack in mountain bike races.

Skunky has grasped the concept of getting off of the seat while going downhill, however she locks her legs and stands tall with her front low. This is very attractive for mating, but not so effective for technical descending as the legs are not used as shock absorbers in this instance.

Skunky is a better-than-average climber and often yells things like, "come on!" and "I can't believe I'm getting stuck behind this!" or "get moving!", while battling on the climbs for near last place in beginner. Everyone would empathize with Skunky, if it weren't for this annoying habit. Any places Skunky gains on the climb are lost during descents.

Skunky usually won't yield the trail when faster descenders happen upon her, causing overtakers to maneuver the gnarly rough nasty stuff on the trail edge, more than likely because of frustration from passing them uphill only to be passed when it turns downward. She will often quote race directors and angrily yell, "races aren't won on the downhill asshole!", another annoying trait that makes people not feel sorry for Skunky.

Skunky can usually be found wearing knickers on an 80 deg day and is often riding alone. While it has never been confirmed, leading experts believe Skunky probably runs her tires at the maximum recommended pressure regardless of the course. With a little coaching it is possible that Skunky may be one day graduate to being so far behind the seat on the slightest of downhills that her bum may touch the rear tire, a huge improvement over her current position.

A pair of skunks in perfect Skunky position
While the position is correct, Skunky is rarely seen with another Skunky in the wild

Not a picture of Skunky

L.A.P.D.A.N.C.E.

Everyone gets to their breaking point, and the lemming finally got to his. That's why he has started L.A.P.D.A.N.C.E., which unfortunately means Lemming Against Previews Done As Newly Created Entries and not something more exciting. If anyone joins him the Lemming can become plural, at that point it will become L.A.P.D.A.N.C.E. - Lemmings Against Previews Done As Newly Created Entries. To be technical, this means setting your "RSS Feed" to be preview only and forcing people to go to your site to read the rest, that is BAD.

This all started because it's nearly impossible to go individually to every blog that the lemming wants to read, especially if he is doing his blog reading at work where "the man" keeps a watchful eye on him to keep him down and see if he's being productive. It's much easier to read full content in a "feed reader" and therefore fool "the man" that he might be working.

This all came to a head when the lemming thought the BikeSnobNYC, the grand poobah of cycling bloggers, had gone to preview feeds and thus had become a LAPDANCEe... A quick note to the Snob revealed he wasn't, he was simply having trouble with his feed updating and really wanted the full content in the feed. Unfortunately, not everyone has followed his lead.

In case you do not know what I'm talking about, here is an example of a preview feed:

This weekend kicked ass! I had the sickest ride of my life, I've never seen singletrack this buff! I was killing it! I even ran in to Alison Starnes. Here are all the pictures I took.....

[For pictures and the rest of the blog, please visit the full site at (insert blog name) here. If you are at work and can't go to the site because your boss is a soul-robbing lunatic too bad.]

A typical day when trying to read preview feeds, note the angry boss

A happy blog reader, reading all blogs in a feed reader

Nothing sends the point home like famous quotations, that's why I've taken some historical quotes completely out of context and massaged them to fit my selfish purposes of convincing you to do a full feed vs a preview feed.

"Ask not what your blog readers can do for you, but what you can do for your blog readers."

"We counted on our blog readers to be passive, we counted wrong."

"Content makes poor men rich; discontentment makes rich men poor."

"My favorite toast is rye toast."

A couple of readers wrote to the lemming with solutions for preview feeds, but it all sounded way more difficult than his tiny mind could grasp. If you have previously been doing preview feeds in your blog don't be ashamed, you didn't know, just change it now and we'll forget all about it. I hope these fantastic arguments have convinced you to join L.A.P.D.A.N.C.E. and that preview feeds are BAD, I can't take anymore of the lemming's complaining.

Friday fun, the picture roundup

Kick back because today's post is going to be a long one... I haven't done a Friday Fun picture roundup in awhile and let me tell you, I have a lot of pictures that I've been marking as I read Friends of the Lemming blogs which I figure I should get up here for everyone to enjoy.

But first, let's talk about Race Across the Sky. I kinda dogged on it a few weeks ago, but I did go and see it last night. I still stick with my initial analysis that it was over dramatized, and while difficult, it is just a race and there are certainly much harder ones out there. However, the movie was great and I'm happy to see the little mining town of Leadville getting the economic boost from Lance being there. Cycling could use more movies put together like this...



Still, as I watched the movie I couldn't help but think Ken Chlouber looks familiar. His man-crush on Lance was quite obvious and out there for everyone to see, touching him and giggling like a little school girl, but who doesn't swoon for a little stardom every now and then? But it's killing me, who does he remind me of?...

Hmm, maybe but not quite

Kind of, but still not quite what I was thinking...

That's it! I knew it! Station, from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey!

I couldn't help saying "Staaaatiooooon" every time I saw him. Every time he touched Lance I was on the edge of my seat, waiting for him to morph with Lance in to one big super creature which could fix stuff really fast. But I digress...

It was also a tremendous feat that Lance rode 7 miles on a tire going flat, but I had to wonder, the guy has said he rides 7 hours a day, surely he changes his own flat every once in awhile? I mean, he can't have a team car EVERY day?

Anyway, kudos to NCM Fathom for making a highly entertaining and very well produced movie, even if they did try to go a little over the top at times.

With that I'll spare you my words and move right on to the picture roundup. Normally I'd give you some music to listen to, but since there are SO MANY to post this week AND I was mentioned on BikeSnobNYC today we'll just cut right to the chase and get some pictures out there. ENJOY!!!

Pillaged from Bicykel

Pillaged from Alison M. Starnes

Pillaged from All Hail the Black Market

Pillaged from All Hail the Black Market

Pillaged from Beginning Bicycle Commuting

Pillaged from Beginning Bicycle Commuting

Pillaged from Bike Dreams

Pillaged from Bike Rumor

Pillaged from Copenhagenize

Pillaged from Copenhagenize

Pillaged from Curtis Corlew

Pillaged from Curtis Corlew

Pillaged from Curtis Corlew

Pillaged from Cycle Goddess

Pillaged from Cycle Monkey

Pillaged from Cycle Monkey

Pillaged from Cycling Obsessions

Pillaged from DFW Point-to-Point

Pillaged from DFW Point-to-Point

Pillaged from Everyday Athlete

Pillaged from Everyday Athlete

Pillaged from Formerly Floyd Speaks

Pillaged from Formerly Floyd Speaks

Pillaged from GT in LA

Pillaged from GT in LA

Pillaged from Lynne's Mostly Cycling Blog

Pillaged from Mellow Velo

Pillaged from Mellow Velo

Pillaged from MO7S

Pillaged from MO7S

Pillaged from OilCanRacer

Pillaged from Travels with my Mule

Pillaged from Rando Adagio

Pillaged from Road

Pillaged from Sonya Looney

Pillaged from Sonya Looney

Pillaged from Velocorapture

Pillaged from VeloLoser

Pillaged from Whirled Traveler

Pillaged from Xvelo Designs blog

Pillaged from Xvelo Designs blog

There you have them! I promise I won't keep saving them up for so long next time. As always, be safe out there, keep the rubber side down, and have one for me this weekend! I'm out...

A glitch in the matrix

There seems to be something wrong with the world when someone can need a power meter so badly that they have no money to buy it, yet finance it on a 12 month payment plan with the latest CTS offering. Foreclosures are at an all time high, unemployment is soaring, but you can still have that PowerTap you "need" if you don't have the money for it...

I thought of a lot of interesting things to mention on this, but none were better than what BikeSnobNYC already stated way more eloquantly than the Lemming ever could,

"While a power meter is certainly an important tool for a professional cyclist, the bulk of them are of course sold to amateurs who misinterpret their amateur status and poor results as signs that they need to spend a huge amount of money on a power meter when in fact their amateur status and poor results are actually the very reasons they don't need a power meter. If you're an amateur, buying a power meter to train is like hiring an accountant to tell you how broke you are or like buying an iPhone just to check your Cannondale stock. Yet amateurs not only buy power meters, but they think $1,000 for a power meter is actually cheap."

Of course, I only found that gem after an anonymous commenter let me know I was ripping of the snob by re-posting the "You Suck" power meter. Unfortunately I hadn't seen the bikesnobnyc's posts in awhile since they are set to do previews in the feed and I just can't risk "the man" seeing me browsing websites all day no matter how great they might be. Our work has the motto, "The beatings will continue until morale improves", and I just can't take another beating. Of course, I realize I borrowed that funny saying from someone else more clever than me as well, no need to let me know...

The lemming mentioned that he's going to spend the rest of the day going around to blogs and informing people that they are ripping off someone else if they re-post something, he said he's going to start with the "Performance" video...

Crushed...

I've missed you all, I really have... Cross dressing season is fully upon us and I could really care less, instead I've been swilling Bud Lights and working feverishly on my plan for greener gyms powered solely by the Average Joe. That is at least until I saw this months issue of Bicycling and realized many people had already beat me to this plan. Yes, it's true, the lemming is not pioneering in any way and there are a lot of people much smarter than me that have done it already, not that my plan ever made it past the swilling Bud Light stage.


Doesn't that look like fun? He might need to adjust his handlebar height.



So with my plan of taking over the world via unsuspecting gym rats now in the shitter, I turned back to my only solace, this blog, how sad is that? It's not really sad, but I'm trying to play on your sympathies for being gone so long.

Being a big player on the scene, today I was given the unsolicited opportunity to look at the Lamborghini bicycles website. With a name like Lamborghini you know it's going to kick ass! Here are some highlights...


Not bad from a distance right? But there are hints of a butter face...


No Chris King? This is a Lambo right?


In the words of Butthead, "uhhh, wait a minute..."


Aaaagh! A clear plastic chainguard, are those rivets in the chainrings? This is worse than accidentally seeing my overweight cousin naked!

Clearly with a name like Lamborghini these pictures had to be a mistake. I mean I remember the Countach, sure it leaked gas and was pretty square, but it was pure sex. Surely the Lamborghini name wouldn't be defiled by a bike whose normal retail is $349 but if you buy now you get a free helmet, $100 off, and free shipping. That's practically giving away this surely Chinese made machine which bears the same name as the Italian car manufacturer.

Needing to know more I went straight to the website!

With features like a lightweight aluminum frame, an advanced Shimano drive train, and efficient 700cc wheels, the Lamborghini Rapido is certain to remain a favorite weapon for novice cyclists looking to speed past the competition. The featured 21-speed Shimano drive train was designed with shifting efficiency and durability in mind. For added ease of control, the bicycle's twist grip shifters are mounted just to the inside of the traditional brake levers. Due to the close proximity of the brake levers and shifters, riders have quick access to braking and shifting without moving their hands too far—an ideal feature for added safety and convenience. To help tackle those steep hills, the Rapido comes complete with a triple front crank set, a feature that gives the rider seven incredibly low gears. For increased rider comfort, the bicycle comes complete with a soft cork wrapped handlebar, a comfy custom designed Lamborghini saddle, and an adjustable quill stem—a feature that allows you to lower and raise the stem height according to the rider's needs.

"Advanced Shimano drivetrain" - The very advanced Shimano Tourney drivetrain to be exact, only a dozen levels or so below 105

"Efficient 700c wheels" - obviously part of the 29er hype

"Favorite weapon for novice cyclists looking to speed past the competition" - especially against people who don't even know they are racing!

"Due to the close proximity of the brake levers and shifters, riders have quick access to braking and shifting without moving their hands too far" - oh good, I've been missing that on my current road bike, I knew Lambo engineering would pull through!

"Rapido comes complete with a triple front crank set, a feature that gives the rider seven incredibly low gears" - uhhh, wait a minute... That's like saying the "Countach comes with a 4-cylinder engine, a feature that gives the great gas mileage"

"adjustable quill stem—a feature that allows you to lower and raise the stem height according to the rider's needs" - oh good, luckily I'm an average sized rider and the stem is great right where it's at, but this will help my resale value...

You might get a good laugh out of that, but the last laugh will be on you as the reviews are coming in stellar...

Ridiculously Good Deal... 01/20/2009 - by avid but frugal cyclist from Washington, D.C.
I bike 120 miles a week on a Raleigh hybrid. I figured why not give a full road bike a try. $200 bucks isn't a bad price to enter. I was about to buy a Trek or a Giant Road Bike for $600 - I compared the drive trains and features and went with the Lambo. All you need to do to get the Lambo up to better performance is change out the crankset and the front derailleur...then voila...you have a sweet entry level road bike. I keep up with the expensive bikes on the trail...no problem. I've owned the Lambo for 4 weeks after I put it together by myself...no problem. I did rip off the cheesy plastic bits and I painted the fork, headset and seatpost...now it looks expensive..

According to this avid but frugal poster, all you need to get the Lambo up to better performance is a crankset and front derailleur. Once those upgrades are made it definitely becomes a favorite weapon to keep up with expensive bikes on the trail. Of course after the cheesy plastic bits are gone and the fork, headset, and seatpost are painted it looks like an expensive bike, so really how would one know if he's keeping up with expensive bikes on the trail or if they are simply sheep in bull's clothing?

Wow, what's next? Is Trek going to go in on some ugly-assed car?



Lastly, several readers have sent me the picture below and I figure it's only fitting while talking about green health clubs and Lamborghini bicycles. My side coaching organization, LTS Systems, has been working on a power meter prototype, stolen from someone much more clever than me out on the internet. Rather than dropping $1000+ for a power meter to simply find out how average you are, PayPal me $20 and tape this to your bike computer. Apparently someone has been watching mine as I ride...