Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Lemming Tour de France prediction

Hinault and Lemond, a picture that has nothing to do with this year's Tour de France

I had a revelation today. I don't know where this vision came from and honestly it's so crazy that it could never come true, but I have a feeling this is how the Tour is going to do down this year.

Lance attacks in the Pyrenees, putting Contador a good 5 minutes behind at the end of the day. On the second Pyrenees stage Lance will go for a seemingly suicidal solo effort on the first mountain of the stage. It will be one of the boldest in Tour history, appearing to drive the nail in to the coffin for Contador. For a few hours his lead will grow and it will look like all hope is lost, but then Contador, with the help of teammates will catch Lance when he appears to be cracking, and Alberto will power up to a solo win. Lance will fight back, keeping his yellow jersey, the maillot jaune, by a mere 40 seconds.

More drama will ensue than at a birthday party of junior high girls, with the English speaking riders riding for Lance, most of the non-English for Contador, and a couple being neutral. Triumphantly up Alpe D'Huez Armstrong and Contador will come together, join hands, and sing Kumbaya as they cross the finish line. All will seem well and good until Lance mentions, "in Texas the race isn't over until it's over", foreshadowing his intent to attack Contador at the final time trial.

The final time trial will arrive and Contador, nervous as all get out, will crash a couple of times as a female counterpart gasps. In the end he'll come out victorious and Lance will mention he was simply attacking to break Contador's opponents and to help Contador become a true champion through adversity.

A mere example of Armstrong's dismal future

Armstrong will go on to man the podium at the Tour de France, that's where all the hot podium girls are, while Contador, injured in a carrier pigeon hunting accident, fights back to win two more Tours before retiring amidst a bizarre disease due to lead in his mitochondria and the undeniable fact that everyone else must be doping.

Highly revered by his fans, Contador will undoubtedly go nuts and alienate everyone who once thought he was a great athlete when he can't seem to let go of the fact that he believes everyone is doping and vehemently speaks out against anyone he feels accomplished more than himself.

I have no idea where this vision came from, it just seems so crazy that it can't possibly come true.


Richard said...

...too much beer on the 4th?

Bike Lemming said...

A little too much... :)

Paddy's Peleton said...

Brilliant! You must be a mystic, I had a similar dream about baby oil and the Swedish Volley Ball Team, but I told them GET ON YOUR BIKE!!!

Bike Lemming said...

That sounds like quite the dream, and probably better than my vision...

Unknown said...

I'd like to hear more detail on the hot podium girls. You should drop some Lunesta and give us an update in the morning.

Bike Lemming said...

I can try mo7s, I can not force the visions though, especially when it comes to hot podium girls.