Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The tale of Skunky, the ass-in-the-air descender

Perfect Skunky position, front low, tail in the air

While Skunky can be either gender, "she" is used for this example.

Skunky can be found near the back of the pack in mountain bike races.

Skunky has grasped the concept of getting off of the seat while going downhill, however she locks her legs and stands tall with her front low. This is very attractive for mating, but not so effective for technical descending as the legs are not used as shock absorbers in this instance.

Skunky is a better-than-average climber and often yells things like, "come on!" and "I can't believe I'm getting stuck behind this!" or "get moving!", while battling on the climbs for near last place in beginner. Everyone would empathize with Skunky, if it weren't for this annoying habit. Any places Skunky gains on the climb are lost during descents.

Skunky usually won't yield the trail when faster descenders happen upon her, causing overtakers to maneuver the gnarly rough nasty stuff on the trail edge, more than likely because of frustration from passing them uphill only to be passed when it turns downward. She will often quote race directors and angrily yell, "races aren't won on the downhill asshole!", another annoying trait that makes people not feel sorry for Skunky.

Skunky can usually be found wearing knickers on an 80 deg day and is often riding alone. While it has never been confirmed, leading experts believe Skunky probably runs her tires at the maximum recommended pressure regardless of the course. With a little coaching it is possible that Skunky may be one day graduate to being so far behind the seat on the slightest of downhills that her bum may touch the rear tire, a huge improvement over her current position.

A pair of skunks in perfect Skunky position
While the position is correct, Skunky is rarely seen with another Skunky in the wild

Not a picture of Skunky


mrbill said...

Skunks smell to, there everywhere even on my friends webpages, eek!!!

Steve A said...

Amost makes me want to try mountain biking. Maybe after I try cross. Descending isn't a big problem around here - it's too flat.

The Shed Master said...

I think skunky may race our local series

Bike Lemming said...

Steve A, the last picture may not be typical of mountain biking unless you are very lucky.

Shed Master, you've sighted Skunky?

The Shed Master said...

Either her or her twin(s) by the description.