Wednesday, September 9, 2009

If Primal Wear made saddles

What if Primal Wear made bike saddles? Famous for their horrid graphics and sometimes sexually-suggestive jerseys, why not get in to the untapped bike saddle market? The jerseys are bad, but people keep buying them, then selling them.

Infamous "Blue Ball Lanes" Primal Wear bowling jersey. Clever? About as clever as the "Big Johnson" shirts, or maybe not even quite that clever.

The skeleton! If I was being x-rayed while riding this is what I'd look like.

The formal wear tuxedo jersey!

The Organ Grinder aka Slim Goodbody jersey! Just in case you were wondering how your organs sit in your body.

The blue muscle fiber sleeveless triathlon top!

So with those classic examples, what sort of prime material could Primal Wear put on saddles?

The Rocker aka The Groupee
Two choices for the Rocker aka the Groupee, depending on your musical preference.

The Bird

In cases of getting ejected from the bike, this helps you flip the bird, in addition to showing your "bad ass" attitude at all other times.

The Hip Bone

What your butt would look like x-rayed on the seat.

The Butt
What your butt would look like bare on the seat.

And lastly, The Template. Right-click, download and make your own Primal Wear saddle and send it to the lemming at In about a week or so I'll get any reader submissions online.

Lastly, if Primal Wear constructed fight scenes, they surely would have made this bad-ass greatest fight scene of all time. Stick around until the way end, long past where the chick uses a towel as a deadly weapon, to hear some very corny closing statements.


Nick said...

If Gene's tongue lifts up off the seat in a 3D taint lickin kind of way.. people will be line up for miles fto get one.

Richard said...

I can see Primal making a seat with a skid mark on it. I'll let you figure out what I mean by skid mark.

Susan Tomlinson said...


Stevil said...

Im working on a saddle that displays my own face. It's gonna take some time to get the expression just right.

BikeLemming said...

Wow! I can see Primal Wear making a skid mark saddle too, that's right up their alley!