Monday, April 6, 2009

This IS your next event!

Ever since the lemming started his lucrative Google AdSense campaign, the money has been rolling in faster than my e-book sales. Blended in to the bottom of my posts (where I thought nobody ever made it to) and stuck on the side (where it shows up randomly depending on lunar tides and Tyler Hamilton race appearances), each click lines my furry little pocket with a cold, hard dime.

What this means to you is that I've acquired the rights to the Pottawatomie Pounders Century with all of my newfound cash and I want YOU to come ride the event. In the paragraphs following I'm going to break down the details, but I'd like you to know that I'm capping this at 8,000 riders and I don't want you to miss out. If you do happen to miss the cap, you'll still be able to get in with a guaranteed entry via LTS Training Systems for $1250, which any similiarities to CTS and Leadville camps are purely coincidental.

First of all let me just say that I know the ride was $39 to enter last year. It might seem like a huge jump to $129 for the entry fee, but these are tough times and the margins are thin. That said, you get A LOT of cool stuff.

First off, the schwag bag! Inside the schwag bag you'll find coupons for local bike shops, entry forms for other rides, and a little sampler bottle of White Lightning! Oh, I almost forgot, silly me, you'll also get the Pottawatomie Pounders t-shirt which consists of a white t-shirt with weird little block animation bikes going up a curvy black road with bright yellow lines down the middle, hell yeah!

But the value doesn't stop there! Stocked at each rest stop I'm going to have watered down Accelerade that's been donated to the ride, energy bars cut in half, banana thirds that are brown and starting to ooze that shiny shit, and you might even get some M&Ms!

As always, I'll have super nice volunteers who will ask you how much your bike costs, keep you ROTFLMAO with funny comments like "hot enough for ya?" and remind you to keep the "silver side up" as you go out on the ride.

Cool down and relax after the ride with a tiny piece of chicken, a small portion of pasta salad, and one can of soda as you listen to my cousin Larry (the MC) go on and on about shit over the loudspeaker that you would normally hurl your brains out to have to listen to, if you weren't so tired.

For those a little more adventurous, I'm offering the 24 hours of Pottawatomie! What I've done here is find the boringest fucking gravel road I can find and you are going to ride that mind-numbing bastard until 24 hours is up or until your spirit gives out, it will be a battle of attrition. I'm only going to charge $225 for solo riders, $530 for 4 person teams, and $645 for 6-8 person teams. It's going to be epic and this will be the only year prices are this cheap, so sign up now!

One last thing, I like getting jerseys cheap, so I'm considering including a jersey in to the price of the century next year. The event fee would be about $230 in that case, I'll assume anyone wanting to do the ride also wants to have the jersey, am I right? I'm thinking something like this, it highlights all of the things important to us bikers nowadays, integrates funny bike cartoons, and even has a whimsical "I'm down with PP, the century"... I crack myself up...

No online entry form is available yet, if you'd like to do the ride, just leave a comment and I'll get back to you.


Nick said...

The entry fee is a bit steep for me. (we all know how cheap I am when it comes to entry fees) I would however like to sponsor the event with some goodie bag items. Scroll down about 2/3s of this page there are some nice tri godies I cam ccross at a recent event. i was saving them for you anyway. I might even have some expried cliff bars and rock hard gatorade powder. All yours for the taking.

Bill said...

Can I enter for 39 dollars if I don't want the schwag bag, but I do want the T-shirt.
How about a special Homeless Person discount, say 20 dollars, these are hard times.

BikeLemming said...

Nick, thank you for the overwhelming generousity, would make a great sponsor for the PPDC! :)

Bill, hmm, not wanting the schwag bag? But there are some GREAT items in there... :)