Forget anything the lemming has said about time trialing

Forget anything the lemming has said about time trialing and aero bars. It actually turns out the lemming is a BIG fan of time trialing and aero bars. Photos lovingly pillaged from Alison M. Starnes' site.



Off topic... If you're recovered from the photos above already the lemming has a question about summaries in blog feeds and what people think about them. The lemming personally hates blog summaries where only a teaser is shown in the feed reader. More often than not he'll see the teaser and just mark as read in the feed reader rather than going to the actual site to read the entry. When a bunch of blogs are in the reader and the lemming wants to be all stealthy about blog reading at work it's not conducive to open a whole new site. I'd be curious as to what others think, post a comment and let me know.

You will never see one of these for sale again!!!

The lemming had an article in his head today, a children's story about Skunky, the tall-tailed butt-in-the-air descender. As he sat down to write the story, he decided to check his email first.

From: charlie ******* <*******************@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Sep 23, 2009 at 6:57 PM
Subject: hello master
To: "bikelemming@gmail.com"


Honorable Lemming

Ah... you have taught me well master...but now, the student becomes the teacher...


Charlie @ screaming monkey bike

Preach on brother Charlie! It's true, the lemming has been gapped and dropped HARD by screaming monkey bike. The lemming is cool with that, screaming monkey bike is killing it harder than John in his 12 week, $3649, Men's Journal first triathlon plan. Ironically (in a 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife sort of way) (Rock) Superstar by Cypress Hill was playing on my Pandora radio station at the moment I received the email and all I could think about was big-assed jack-in-the-boxes with FIRE! all around them.



Anyway, as things go one thing lead to another and I spent some time on Top Cycling Sites before heading over to check out VeloLoser.



Great minds think alike and I was amused to see VeloLoser thought of Slim Goodbody with this skinsuit as well. Surely I thought this beautiful skinsuit must have been designed by a company as pioneering as Primal Wear before they started making saddle concepts, however I was wrong.

You will never see one of these for sale again!!! I only know of a couple in existence. If you are an avid cyclist or cycling fan you know what this is. This is the infamous Mario Cipollini muscle skinsuit made by Cannondale. As you can see it is in great conditoin 8 out of 10. It only has 2 very small repairs one on the left shoulder half inch long which you can't even see and one on the zipper and in no way effects the zipper function.

I purchased it new from a bike shop owner last year and I have since leaned toward bodybuilding so I don't fit it anymore. It is an XL but I am 5'7 185 lbs. with a 32 in. waist and it fits me snugly everywhere. If you're curious it will fit you just give me your measurements and I'll help. I know you'll love this very unique piece of cycling memorabilia.

Let me just be the first to say thank heavens we will never see one of these for sale again! I have the sneaking suspicion taking up bodybuilding isn't the reason this gem is for sale.



But closer inspection reveals it's not the skinsuit Mario Cipollini is wearing in the picture describing the auction. This skinsuit is short-sleeved and short-legged. Which begs the question, if the person who "won" the auction is not himself a bodybuilder or a two-armed, two-legged amputee and those Primal Wear-ish muscles just stop on the lower quad and mid bicep, will the wearer look something like this?

Deep thoughts by the Lemming

The other day I saw two rams butting heads (on TV), an obvious fight for supremacy and mating rights. I thought about how different the bike trail would be if mating rights were established by overtaking someone. There would be even less riding for fun and even more "training" because of the competition I suspect. Unfortunately, it's been established that taking ibuprofen does not "block the pain of competition", although subjectively the pain of competition may be having to watch others race in a speedo. The lemming can see taking anything available to try and relieve that pain.

But even with ibuprofen gone we still have power meters, and with them we can "eliminate wasted efforts" when we go out on a ride and that makes the lemming happy.

If Primal Wear made saddles

What if Primal Wear made bike saddles? Famous for their horrid graphics and sometimes sexually-suggestive jerseys, why not get in to the untapped bike saddle market? The jerseys are bad, but people keep buying them, then selling them.


Infamous "Blue Ball Lanes" Primal Wear bowling jersey. Clever? About as clever as the "Big Johnson" shirts, or maybe not even quite that clever.


The skeleton! If I was being x-rayed while riding this is what I'd look like.


The formal wear tuxedo jersey!


The Organ Grinder aka Slim Goodbody jersey! Just in case you were wondering how your organs sit in your body.




The blue muscle fiber sleeveless triathlon top!

So with those classic examples, what sort of prime material could Primal Wear put on saddles?

The Rocker aka The Groupee
Two choices for the Rocker aka the Groupee, depending on your musical preference.



The Bird
In cases of getting ejected from the bike, this helps you flip the bird, in addition to showing your "bad ass" attitude at all other times.

The Hip Bone
What your butt would look like x-rayed on the seat.

The Butt
What your butt would look like bare on the seat.

And lastly, The Template. Right-click, download and make your own Primal Wear saddle and send it to the lemming at bikelemming@gmail.com. In about a week or so I'll get any reader submissions online.


Lastly, if Primal Wear constructed fight scenes, they surely would have made this bad-ass greatest fight scene of all time. Stick around until the way end, long past where the chick uses a towel as a deadly weapon, to hear some very corny closing statements.