Thursday, January 15, 2009

Never ride outdoors again!

Sucked in to the latest story by a picture of a bike babe getting ready to ride indoors with her helmet on, I thought I'd find out what Josh Horowitz suggested if I was short on training time. In these harsh winters I would really like to "avoid the 20 minutes pre-ride it takes to pile on the layers and the half hour after [my] ride to clean the bike and all [my] gear." That is definitely a hassle, I'd rather spray down my bike with wax so I can sweat all over it. Right now I'm even looking for other things around the house that I can coat with wax to protect them, doing the dishes is going to be so much easier with this protectant!

Perhaps more importantly, in the summer when the air is crisp and the weather is beautiful, I'd much rather be sitting at home on the trainer. I might guess that's what Ted Kaczynski did and why he was possibly a great rider in between making and mailing bombs. It's such a pain to "slather on the sun block and stop every hour to re-fill [my] bottles." I hate sunblock just as much as the next guy and I can only make it a couple hours on two bottles. Inside I can just stick a gallon jug of water next to my pasty white legs and spend the whole day doing Spinervals if I want.

Hell, sitting on trainer in the summer allows me to avoid "wasted time at traffic lights and stop signs", now I'll no longer have to debate the battle of good and evil when I consider blowing through them to save time. Thank the Lord "there is no coasting on descents or through corners", I despise coasting, and flying down hills is the thing that terrorizes my dreams. If I fly downhill while coasting, that means my heart rate is going to drop, I'll no longer be in my zone, and my coach will call me a sissy.

If those points weren't enough to convince me to never ride my bike outside again, I can "precisely nail every single aspect" of my workouts! That will really help when I sign up for the Pottawatomie Pounders Century next year. Once I'm in the century I can just settle in to a pack of riders, while resting on my aero bars pointed up at 75deg, and enjoy the fitness and stability I've gained from sitting on the rollers at home! Awesome!

Wait a minute, what's this at the end of the article, "Riding indoors can be brain numbing and even torturous". Brain numbing and torturous? Then why did you say, "it doesn't hurt to take some (or all) of your training indoors." I'm not signing up for brain numbing and torturous, if I wanted to do that I'd hit a spin class or sign up for a triathlon, I knew there had to be a hitch.


Nink said...

Motor oil works as well as wax. Just an FYI.

S.K. said...

Plus, Lady Bugs are rumored to be fairly poisonous when ingested, so you don't have that to worry about either.
I think that's what they call a win-win.