Calories Out = Calories In?

Calories Out = Calories In? This is the most often quoted golden rule for weight loss. Since I don't necessarily agree with this plan, I give any reader this challenge to prove me wrong.

First month

For one month I'll buy you as many energy gels and ho-hos as you need to maintain the exact caloric intake that you normally eat with your balanced diet, that's all you can eat because calories in equal calories out. At the end of the month we'll weigh you and check your resting heart rate.

Second month

The next month we'll repeat that, letting you eat your daily caloric intake in only the 73% lean beef you find at the grocery store. You can add mayo to the burger for "flavor". This month we'll weigh you and check your cholesterol, time to exhaustion, etc.

Third month

The next month we'll stir it up, you can drink your exact daily caloric intake all month for an entire month in high fructose corn syrup, which I'll buy you by the bottle. This month we'll drive by corn fields and see if you throw up.

The prize

If you can maintain your fitness and weight for those 3 months with that diet, I'll gladly say I'm wrong and I'll give you a month's supply of moon pies, but only a month's supply at your exact daily caloric intake.

Best of Coach Fred - Issue No. 365 - 10/16/08

Best of Coach Fred - Issue No. 365 - 10/16/08

Q: I've followed your discussions concerning the relationship between weight training strength and climbing ability. I was a lousy climber no matter how many leg presses I did -- until I did spinning classes. The "climbing" workouts were killers, but now I'm a fairly good climber. Can these indoor workouts be done on a conventional trainer too? -- Howard C.

Lemming response:

Dear Howard C.,

While the spin bike and your bike (and associated trainer) do both have handlebars, seats, and pedals and that alone might make any reasonable person guess that yes you can do the workout at home, you will be missing some key elements.

Your home may not have the stench of stale sweat like a spin class does. This may seem insurmountable at first, but invite a dozen of friends over for beers and turn your thermostat up as high as it will go. Try to get them to stay for a few games of charades, hopefully in no time your place will stink enough that you can move on to the next step.

To be really successful "spinning" at home, you will have to make sure you can sequester a bunch of New Age crappy music that really only motivates you when you're trying to look all cool to the girl beside you in the short gym shorts and string tanktop. Speaking of that, there won't be any hotties while you're on the trainer at home. Taking a spin class might make you marginally cool to them, sitting on a trainer at home is about as cool as being alone in your cabin in the woods (aka unibomber).

But most importantly, on the trainer at home people sometimes do rides that mimic the fun rides that they do outdoors. This may be hard to swallow. Spinners are used to an aerobics instructor who hasn't ridden a bike in years who tries to teach their class more like a step aerobics class than a bike ride. It may be hard to do "popcorn sprints" at home, where you stand and pedal and sit down and stand again and again and again so fast that you barely touch the seat, all the while trying to maintain 120-130rpm. But by all means try your best, you know how much that applies to real cycling!

That said, spinning is lame, do you really want to look like these people. There is this really fun thing called riding outside that is way better than spin classes. Just don't do it in a full Discovery kit on a Cervelo bike with PowerCranks, at that point you can just as well do the spin class. I hope that answers your question, next week I'll discuss why watching Tour de France videos while you ride the trainer is like masturbation.

Strange product alert - Reset Racing AirPort EVO

Since someone had already got to the Bontrager carbon seatpost rack, I figured the next most ridiculous item Bicycling has recommened is the Reset Racing AirPort EVO. Recommended as a "performance booster", according to Bicycling magazine this $45 item saves the most anal and obsessive compulsive from worrying that their shock doesn't have exactly 121psi in it after they remove the pump and hear the split-second of "psssst", thus ruining any ride thereafter due to "incorrect" shock air pressure.

CyclingNews however, highlights the product as an adapter for hard to reach shock fill locations. Who is most correct? I have no idea, I can't read German... And don't get me wrong, when you go to their site http://www.reset-racing.com/ they have some pretty cool stuff, however worrying about a loss of a few psi when you unthread the shock pump and here it go "pssst" is just something I'll never do. If I were remotely anal, I'd just put the pump back on, see how much (if any) pressure I lost, and inflate it that much past the pressure I'd like to run. That way when I took it off and heard the "pssst" sound it wouldn't ruin every ride I had after that, not that it would anyway...

Take the ring - but not my bike!

October 2008's Bicycling had a letter about the title of this blog. Rather than giving the letter to the Style Man, they announced it as letter of the month and gave her a new set of Park Tools. As I think this should have gone to Style Man, I'll answer it as best as I can in the same style below.

Original letter:

Take the Ring - but not my bike!

My fiance of nine months asked for the ring back after a minor argument. A week later he asked for reconciliation. I said no - so he took back the Cannondale Synapse he bought for me. I loved that bike! I miss that bike! What's his next girlfriend going to think about receiving a bike used by his previous girlfriend? Is it just me or is this guy an ass?

Lia Ruggiero, Grand Junction, CO

Your boyfriend broke the cardinal rule, which is "Never buy your girlfriend a bike. Buy your wife a nice bike, but NEVER buy your girlfriend a bike", many a man have fallen in to this same trap and been left with the decision of leaving their ex with a damn expensive bike or snatching it and selling it for beer money. Further complicating the matter is the fact that most guys give their girlfriends bikes out of the blue while still having the pain of seeking out gifts for Christmas, Valentine's, your birthday, the anniversary of your first date, your cat's annual vaccination date, etc.

But I digress, the fact that he broke the rule, one can assume he either didn't know the rule or decided the two of you were going to make it long-term. Skirting the lines of assumption again, he bought it for you so that you could ride with him and enjoy the sport that he loves, not so that you could pursue it as a lifelong sport in the case of leaving him, he is selfish. I assume you yourself are over the loss of the hopes and dreams of the fiance and have moved on to the mourning of the loss of a bike?

As for the question about what his next girlfriend will think about the bike, my guess is he will be using ebay to recoup some of his losses for money to blow on alcohol in which to drown his sorrows.

Now that we've got that settled, does this mean you are on the rebound and single?

Best of Coach Fred Issue No. 359 - 09/04/08

Best of Coach Fred Issue No. 359 - 09/04/08

A reader wrote:
Q: Yesterday I scheduled an interval workout having four 5-minute efforts. But during the warmup and on the first interval I felt tired and that ruined my motivation. So I went home. Was that the right thing to do, or should I have gutted it out and completed the workout? -- Barry A.

Coach Fred, of course, answered in a roadie coach way, all the while probably thinking to himself, "I didn't become a coach to answer questions like this over and over and over again. Heck, that's one of the reasons I do my newsletter, so people can go back and not ask again".

Beyond that, this question is about as vague as a question can get. In automotive terms it would be the same as asking, "Yesterday I brought my car up to 140 mph and it started shaking violently, furthermore the engine sounded like it was going to explode, is this normal?" Well, if you have a nice new Corvette, that is a problem, but if you have one of the last existing 1982 Chevette's, and you and your neighbor "Hank" thought it would be interesting to slap a nitrous kit on to "see how fast it would go" over a 12-pack of Busch Light, that's an entirely different story altogether. What Coach Fred should have said was this,

A: "Dear reader, that really depends what your training program is and what you are trying to accomplish. If you scheduled an interval workout all nimbly-bimbly with no structure in the plan whatsoever, then yeah, bailing on that and just riding your bike for fun would have been a better plan, heck it might have been anyway for a pure enjoyment perspective. I have to assume if you are going through the trouble of scheduling four 5-minute efforts, that you must know your body pretty well and know when you are tired vs. just feeling lazy and that this crazy interval effort is part of some bigger structured training program, but if I assumed that then you wouldn't be asking the question, you know what they say about ass-u-ming."

Roadie Rules for bike commuting

It seems like most people I meet along the road to work have the rules for bike commuting pretty well figured out, in fact, most of my research comes from observing the natives. Just in case though, I thought I'd outline some of my research so that others may benefit.

1) Kharma doesn't work
Buddha was a smart dude, but he had it wrong, kharma doesn't work... As such if you ever see someone broken down on the side of the road with a flat, or pushing their bike on a flat, you should never ask if they need help or if they have everything they need. It won't come back to you some day and the last thing you want to do is waste a patch and 5 minutes of your time.

The one exception would be a hot chick who has it all under control, by all means stop for her and hang around in the spandex. Bonus points occur when you mention you were doing CP12 intervals that your coach prescribed, but you felt strong enough that you were doing them at CP6 intensity.

2) Never say hi
On the road, cyclists are about as loved by drivers as GW Bush would be at a Save the environment rally. So it makes sense that you should never say hi to other cyclists as you go by them, from either direction. Sometimes a cordial wave is ok, but waving is like turning on your blinker before you turn when someone is waiting at an intersection, it shows weakness and you must avoid that. Saying hi also takes precious energy and might throw you above your heart rate zone, you don't want that! The absolute best scenario is just to stare straight ahead and pretend like no one is there.

3) Everything is a race
Let's face it, competition is in our blood, and there is evidence of competitions of great magnitude throughout the ancients. So it makes sense that we carry on the tradition at every opportunity. Someone stops at a light with you, make sure to clip in and beat them across the street. A hill is coming up, keep looking back to see if they are gaining. When all else fails...

4) Remember the 3 Amigos

This is really an extension of rule #3, but it's also a segway in to rule #5. Do you remember the scene in 3 Amigos where El Guapo tells Martin Short, Chevy Chase, and Steve Martin that they will die like dogs? No? Let me highlight it for you.

3 Amigos: Tell us we will die like dogs
El Guapo:...You will die like dogs
3 Amigos: No we will fight like lions

Remember this one when you are out there making everything a race. Chase someone down even if they are faster than you. As you catch them at the limit of what you can do, STAND and HAMMER! Put some distance on them. When they maintain a constant speed and catch you again, well, it's time to resort to #5.

5) Never admit defeat
If someone catches you as you are riding along and violates rule #2 by saying hi, be sure to mention that you rode 300 miles in the last two days and have a big sprint day tomorrow that you are resting up for. The ride today is an easy spin to stretch out your legs. If the other rider persists in talking to you and you are out of breath, mention "this is my corner" at the next intersection and turn off.

There you have the bulk of my research thus far. I am sure there is much more to be learned and I am anxious to complete my studies.